Movie Review - Cinderella (Don't salt your popcorn, your tears should do it)

If you look close enough, you can see my manhood and my dignity. Both of which have turned microscopic.

I saw this movie and loved it.

Okay there, I said it. Let me explain why.

Today I watched Disney's re imagining of their animated classic Cinderella. 

I could tell you that my expectations were high for it and that I was hyped to see it. 

I could have waxed poetically about why I loved this franchise and how seeing the retelling of this story would fulfill me in ways that other movies couldn't-- But I can't, and I wont.

Truthfully, I went into this movie preparing to dread every single second of it. I had no interest in any of the actors, or even the story itself for that matter.

 I mean I'm sure all of us have had this story drilled in our heads since we were kids, and I for one hated it even then. The premise of an orphan girl working for and living with people that were nothing but cruel to her, was a concept that, thankfully,  I could not relate to. 

Even more so, the chances of  a glass slipper fitting only one maiden in the kingdom made the whole 'Santa Clause is real' thing seem a little bit more plausible.

 Don't even let me get started on the mice with shirts and no pants... 

Before everyone starts sounding off, i understand this was a cartoon. I also understand that this was made for kids, and probably and more specifically aimed at the female populace.

That being said, and before this post turns into a tirade about things I hated in my childhood, I underestimated the fuck out of this movie.

This movie was so good in so many ways, that it instantly made me forget about Disney's first animated attempt at this story, and made me accept this new Cinderella story as cannon in the Disney universe.

Before I get more into the feature film, I guess I should preview that with reviews of the previews.

WHO REVIEWS PREVIEWS?!?!?! - I DO.

First off, the previews were pretty good. At the theatre I attended we saw another trailer for Tommorowland which actually started to show signs of a plot. It was mostly George Clooney being Clooney in that Clooney kind of voice, while some action happened around him.

The second trailer was for a re imagining of Peter Pan, but done in live action (which we have seen before) The interesting thing about this live-action adaptation of Peter Pan is that it's kind of a prequel. Without spoiling too much of the trailer, it looks like you see the beginnings of never never land, the lost boys, and Peter and Captain Hook's relationship.

After that, some Dreamworks new movie thing about a blob or a slob or a glob. You decide.

I think after that the FROZEN FEVER short played which I must admit was pretty awesome. I don't know what the FROZEN writers are doing, but whatever they are doing is working. Oh, I heard earlier this week that FROZEN 2 is green lit so yay.

Okay, so let's praise the shit out of this movie...

The casting for this movie was amazing. Every, and I mean every, character played their part spot on, and made me believe that they were actually part of this make-believe world.

In my opinion, the way that you can tell a person is a good actor/actress is how they play a villain. The way Cate Blanchett played the wicked step-mother was perfect. I believed that she was wicked, cruel, and basically the spawn of Satan. A good villain makes you want to kill,strangle, or maim them in some way. Through the course of the movie, I felt like doing this numerous times.

For every evil there must be a good, and that comes in the form of Cinderella played by Lily James.

Cinderella herself was fair and kind, and most importantly, believable. I didn't question that she was too kind and too perfect to a fault, and that she seemed  too positive all the time. I didn't even think to question how she could talk to animals. 

All I  ended up caring about was that she was so good, in a world that became so rotten, and that somehow or someway she would have the strength to get through it, and get her 'happily ever after'.

 WHAT ARE THESE FEELINGS I AM FEELING???

To tell you that this movie brought out some feelings in me would be an understatement. As soon as this movie started I was all over the emotional scale. It is very rare that I have experienced so many different emotions in a short amount of time.

 Although I did not actually shed a tear, the sensitive side inside me that I keep buried under the monster trucks, guns, and strippers was crying all over the place, and drowning in tears. Like i said, I DID NOT CRY (repeat until someone believes you) but, I did get choked up enough where another sip of Mr. Pibb became warranted.

This movie appeals to the most primal needs of someones emotions which in my opinion is to find someone to love, and to be loved. Although it tugged at the heart strings, it was a good kind of tug. The kind of tug that is needed sometimes. The kind of tug that sets us apart from the Robots- which will someday reign over us lowly homo sapiens and start the age of the CYBER EMPIRE!.... But i'm getting ahead of myself. 

This movie delivered in spades, and I cannot recommend it enough. 

Without making this post much longer, the only thing I could say to someone who is on the fence about watching this is...

GO WATCH IT, BRING TISSUES

If you feel nothing seeing this, then you can skip Cinderella.